ABOUT ME

I wish I still looked like the above picture there. Sadly, I'm a good bit heavier and a whole lot of broken. I don't want this introduction to be a downer but I also want to speak the truth. That's my husband's favorite photo. That was taken at a time in my life when I was extremely happy, before my body decided to start crumbling, before my anxiety got out of control and before the depression took me further under than I've ever been. In the above photo, I felt great. Now, I feel broken, in mind and body. Probably even a bit in spirit. I am on a journey of finding myself again and healing. I know it may not look as good as before. There's been a lot of damage, but I'm hopeful that it may look a little bit more like living vs existing. I believe that is a possibility. I have to. I have a really good life, but I personally need some healing and recovery. I will share bits and pieces of my journey with you, as well as other things that might interest you. What kind of topics might you find here?

Personal - my thoughts, mindful moments, dabbling with my writing again.
Medical - anxiety, depression, healing, recovery...
Family - I adore them.
Pets - They make my heart happy.
Writing/Books - books I've written, plan to write, wish to write...
Adult Coloring - and perhaps a few other hobbies, as I have many.
Reading - I am an avid reader and FYI - I read almost anything. You've been warned, so don't be shocked.

You see, I don't fit into one little box. I have all these things in my life, all these things that are a part of me and to separate them out into individual blogs or websites or social media platforms - Dear Lord, give me a Xanax. That's just too much. I don't fit into a particular mold. I basically dance to the beat of my own drum and you either like me and what I create or you don't. I'm not gonna beg and I cannot allow negativity to drag me down. I'll be honest, it's a big struggle. People are mean. Sometimes that meanness can destroy a person, trust me, been there and got the t-shirt.

So why am I creating this blog? People learn from each other. People like to know they are not alone. I believe sharing your life's stories or testimonies help others in ways we may never know. I need to write again. My soul feels empty without it, but I need to do it slowly. To tip-toe out vs jump off the deep end. I want to share even though I know it has a big risk. I am willing to try again. What is that saying, not the "if at first you don't succeed do it the way your mother told you" but the one that says,

"If at first you don't succeed, Try, try, try again."

I've had countless blogs, websites, social media platforms and groups over the years. It's exhausting. Thing is if I don't try again I feel like I might just sit here existing for so long that I turn to stone. The true purpose of this blog, I'm trying again. It might be a lonely quiet road, but it's mine and I have to walk it whether people join me or not.

Now for the generic "about me" crap. My name is Tonya. I am a wife, mother of two wonderful (now adult) children, pet owner (cats & dogs), reader, writer/author, colorist, scrapbooker (though it's been years), I am nearing my 44th year upon this earth. I battle anxiety/depression and other mental health issues. I recently had back surgery. I'm an Ovarian Cancer Survivor. I drive a mini cooper and I love it. I am a coffee drinker, country music lover (don't knock it), collector of pens, pencils, markers (all art/office/stationary supplies). I believe in Jesus and yeah, I cuss a little. I also drink martini's and love having a glass of wine. I have tattoos. I enjoy travel and love new adventures. How's that? Do you feel like you know me now? The about sections of things are my nemesis, can you tell?

Well, here's to trying again.